Thalassophobia
by Ixcalia
Summary: After a near death experience in the ocean as a child, Ichimatsu is left with an irrational fear of the ocean. So years later, when his brothers suggest a day at the beach, he's left absolutely terrified. But do you think Ichimatsu would ever admit that he was afraid to his brothers? Absolutely not.


Ichimatsu hated the water. And sure, plenty of people would joke that it was because of his feline tendencies, but it was so much more than that. It wasn't as if he was scared of taking a bath or getting sprayed down by the hose, when one of his brothers were feeling playful in the harsh summer heat. It was more about bodies of water. The ocean. A river. Anything that would go so deep that he couldn't touch the bottom. It made sense, didn't it? Considering he couldn't swim.

No one could get him into the water to teach him, after _the incident_. When they were kids, about seven or eight, they went on vacation with their parents, visiting a pier close to their hotel and watching the sunset in awe. They didn't get to experience such sights at home. But, as was usual with the rowdy Matsuno sextuplets, Osomatsu and Choromatsu got into an argument that soon ended in an all out wrestling match. Ignoring their parents yells to knock it off, they rolled around the pier, pinching each other and tugging on fistfuls of hair. Until they accidentally slammed into Ichimatsu, that is.

Ichimatsu cried out as he fell straight into the ocean below, the waves slamming into his small body and knocking the air right out of him. He could hear his family's screams for just a second before he heard nothing, as the ocean dragged him straight down. He flailed, trying his best to resurface, but he had no idea which way was up at this point. Especially with the unforgiving water knocking him all around.

He was terrified, he couldn't hold his breath anymore! Unable to stop himself, he tried to get some air into his lungs, only to inhale water. Little Ichimatsu sputtered, his arms and legs growing heavy. At this point, the ocean had full control of him, he couldn't fight against it. And boy, was he lightheaded...his vision grew blurry and he remembered holding his arm out in a last, desperate attempt for salvation. But that's when everything went dark.

When he came to, he was in the hospital, with his family standing over him with watery eyes and worried faces. Osomatsu and Choromatsu had apologized profusely, while hugging him and petting his hair. Typical crybaby Jyushimatsu had wailed hysterically, while holding his hand tightly. And as soon as they got some room, Karamatsu and Todomatsu had hugged him tightly, mumbling how glad they were to see him okay. As it turned out, a local had jumped in and managed to snatch him up before the ocean could drag him out any further. He was thankful, but regrettably never got to meet his savior to thank him.

From that point on, bodies of water were something he did his absolute best to avoid. No need to learn to swim if you were just going to avoid the water, right? Right. Unfortunately though, that was only a part of the battle. Ichimatsu could stay as far away from the ocean as he wanted when he was awake. And he did, he avoided it like the plague. But when he drifted off into slumber, there was no avoiding it. That pier and the ocean below always managed to haunt his dreams.

At first, the nightmares were simply like reliving it all over again. Getting bumped into the water by accident, fighting as hard he could against the waves, only to end up unable to breathe in the end. He'd wake up, drenched in sweat, gasping and coughing as tears rolled down his cheeks. His brothers were always at his side immediately, rubbing his back and reassuring him that he was fine. It was a nightmare, just a nightmare.

But as Ichimatsu and his brothers grew older, the nightmares shifted. At first, it was just him on that pier. He would look around fearfully and call out to his brothers, but they never came. In the end, the ocean would turn wild, the waves crashing into the pier. They grew larger, until they finally knocked him off his feet and dragged him down.

By that time, his brothers stopped comforting him. They never seemed to notice his distress anymore, they slept right through his whimpers and gasps. Ichimatsu would wake up on his own, quiet sobs making his body shake as he curled in on himself. He wanted them to notice, wanted them to tell him it was okay. But they never did anymore.

The dreams that haunted him more presently featured that same damn pier. That same damn ocean. And him, of course. But now, there was always one brother with him. It varied, which brother, and Ichimatsu came to notice that it was often whichever brother he dealt with most that day, while awake. It was usually Jyushimatsu or Karamatsu, but Choromatsu and Todomatsu made their fair share of appearances. Osomatsu was the least frequent, only showing up once or twice. But their company was never a _good_ thing in this case.

Ichimatsu would try to talk to them. Usually, he would quietly ask if they could leave the pier together, go on a walk or something, somewhere else. Of course they never listened, why would they? They would stare at him blankly, before their face would twist into an ugly expression of resentment. Next thing Ichimatsu knew, he was being shoved off the pier. It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a misunderstanding on his part.

They hated him. They wanted him dead. These nightmares were his punishment for being such a shitty brother while awake. That was fair enough. He was just a shitty, waste of space. Complete trash. These thoughts would fill Ichimatsu's mind, deafening him to the point that he couldn't even hear the ocean that surrounded him. And anymore, he didn't fight. He just let himself sink, wallowing in his own, self-deprecating misery.

When he woke up from these nightmares, there was no crying. Maybe some shivering and gasps, as he tried to gather himself, but no more crying. Instead, his heart just ached painfully. Ichimatsu would turn his head slightly to look down the line, where the rest of his brothers slept peacefully. They didn't stir or check to see if he was okay. Maybe they didn't even remember the incident from their childhood anymore.

But he certainly did. And he always would.

* * *

"Beach! Let's go to the beach!" Jyushimatsu yelled excitedly, raising his hands high in the air. The others lifted their heads from where they lounged miserably, looking at the fifth brother blankly, as they tried catch up to what was yelled so suddenly.

It was so sticky and hot, their single fan hardly enough to cool all of them. Todomatsu was currently hogging it for himself, his face shoved right up against the protective grate. Said youngest brother finally pulled away, looking over his shoulder to Jyushimatsu with a small hum. "That's not a bad idea, Jyushimatsu-niisan!"

"Yeah, it's a great idea!" Osomatsu sat up, his spirits suddenly restored. He grinned, rubbing a finger under his nose. "It's bound to be way cooler at the beach. We can take a train over, right? Ahh, good idea Jyushimatsu!"

"The beach...no argument here…" Osomatsu glanced over towards Choromatsu, laughing weakly as the third brother lifted his hand a little to show his support. The poor guy's green t-shirt was soaked in sweat and his cheeks were flushed. "I'll do anything at this point…"

"A glorious idea! Let us embark as soon as possible!" Karamatsu declared, his smirk wavering a little. It was even difficult for him to keep up his cool guy appearance when this heat was making him feel so miserable. His ripped, blue jean shorts and tank top weren't enough to keep him cool. Even Ichimatsu had forgiven his fashion this one time, because of the intense heat.

"Ah, but...we don't have any money." Ichimatsu interrupted. Everyone deflated at that, the cruel reminder that they were useless Neets with no source of income turning their moods sour once more.

Ichimatsu pulled his knees closer to his chest, his fingers turning white as he gripped his pant legs. That was too close! If they decided to go to the beach, it would look too weird if he just declined. He was suffering just as much as the others, after all, and he had no reasonable excuse! And if he did just tell the truth, his shitty brothers would never let him live it down! He had to deter them! It was the only way!

Jyushimatsu slouched, arms hanging down limply in disappointment, before he perked back up with a sinister smile on his face. His eyes narrowed just a little, focusing on the second brother who stared forlornly at the fan. "Karamatsu-niisan…"

"E-Eh…?" Karamatsu straightened a little, looking at Jyushimatsu fearfully. That expression his little brother was making was seriously scary!

"Karamatsu-niisan won at the races!"

" _MY LITTLE JYUSHIMAAAAATSU!_ "

"Haaah?! Are you holding out on us?!" Osomatsu clenched a fist, pushing himself up off the floor. There was no way the eldest would let this go! They were all suffering, and here Karamatsu was, hoarding his winnings! "We're practically melting here! I won't forgive you, Shittymatsu!" Osomatsu roared, before pouncing on the second born.

Jyushimatsu was quick to join in, laughing maniacally as the three of them rolled around on the floor. Todomatsu and Choromatsu took the chance to rummage around desperately for Karamatsu's wallet. It all ended, only when Todomatsu let out a cry of success, holding up the black wallet, adorned with a skull, triumphantly. The youngest immediately went to work, rifling through its contents.

"Whoooa! There's more than enough here for the entire trip!" Todomatsu sounded truly amazed as he thumbed through the bills, counting curiously. "And enough for lunch and dinner! How gracious of you, Karamatsu-niisan!"

"T-Totty…!"

"I'll take this as a finder's fee too! Heheh~!" The pink clad matsu giggled cheerfully as he pocketed a bill, before tossing the wallet to Osomatsu, who snatched it up gleefully.

"Ahaha! Beach! Beach!"

"Beeeeeach!"

"My precious money…"

Ichimatsu could only watch the scene unfold in disbelief, as his one foolproof plan was thwarted. Besides the money, what other believable reason was there to refuse? The heat was unbearable, the beach would definitely be a lot cooler. They had the money, they already had swimwear, and catching the train wouldn't be difficult at all. In short, Ichimatsu was doomed to a day at the beach.

"If we all get ready now, we should be able to catch the train by noon." Choromatsu quieted his brothers' cheers, using his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. Searching for that wallet was way too much activity for as hot as it was! "After that, we can catch a bus to take us the rest of the way."

"Okay~!" Osomatsu grinned, glancing at the nearby clock. "That gives us a little less than an hour to get everything together. Let's hurry already! The sooner we get to the beach, the sooner we can cool down!" There was a chorus of agreement from everyone, even Karamatsu, who already seemed over the loss of his wallet.

Ichimatsu listened as five pairs of feet thudded out of the room. As expected, no one seemed to notice his absence from the conversation or from the preparations. He shook slightly as he considered what he would have to do. There was no getting out of this with his pride intact. He would have to go to the beach and face the ocean. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl with apprehension, his hands shaking as he clenched his fists. Sure, no one said he had to go into the water. But just being near it was enough to...to…

 _I'm scared. I'm terrified!_ Ichimatsu thought to himself, lifting his head away from his knees so that he could breathe a little better. There was no need to panic yet, right? So why was his damned breathing getting so out of control already? He didn't want to go. _I don't want to go!_

"Oh, Ichimatsu." The fourth brother jumped a little, his head whipping around to look at Osomatsu with wide eyes. "Did I scare you? I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that, sorry!" Osomatsu laughed, rubbing at his nose sheepishly. "But aren't you going to get ready? We have to hurry if we want to catch that train."

"Mm...yeah, I'm going." Ichimatsu slowly got to his feet, silently applauding himself for keeping his voice steady. His legs felt like jelly though, so walking was even more of a feat. But he managed, meandering slowly towards the door.

"Hey, Ichimatsu? You gonna be okay?"

Ichimatsu froze for a moment, silently cursing himself. Was he being that obvious? No, he didn't think he was. The fourth brother glanced back over his shoulder, feigning his usual, bored stare. Osomatsu simply stared back, a contemplative frown on his face "Huh? Why wouldn't I be? And what's with that look?" He asked slowly.

Osomatsu stared at him hard for a moment longer, before blinking a few times and shaking his head. Just like that, his shit-eating grin was back in place. "No reason. Just try and hurry, alright? Maaaan, I can't wait to get there, it's gonna feel so nice!"

Ichimatsu did his best to ignore the shiver that ran down his spine. "Yeah...nice."

* * *

The train ride was uneventful, for the most part. It was crowded though, everyone heading in the same direction to escape the sweltering heat. Only Karamatsu and Choromatsu were able to secure a seat, while the others were forced to stand. Normally, Ichimatsu wouldn't mind, but all these bodies pressed together in the tight space made him more than a little uncomfortable. Karamatsu seemed to notice his distress, though.

"Come brother! You may trade places with me!" Karamatsu offered, getting to his feet and presenting the seat with hopeful eyes. Ichimatsu let a quiet 'tch' at the offer, but slowly squeezed himself through the few people that were between him and his salvation. Karamatsu practically beamed when Ichimatsu plopped down beside Choromatsu, before moving to the nearest grab handle.

"I wonder how difficult it will be to catch a bus." Choromatsu mumbled off-handedly. Ichimatsu glanced at him, watching as the third brother stared pointedly at the floor and wrung his hands nervously. It wasn't unusual for Choromatsu to grow anxious when he was boxed in like this. Sure he handled his Nyaa-chan concerts well enough, but Ichimatsu suspected that was only because he was too busy ogling the idol on stage to even care about the people around him.

"Maybe we'll be late." Ichimatsu mumbled. Did that sound too hopeful? He honestly didn't mean for it to come out like that, but his own anxiety was growing, the closer they got to their destination. Already, his body was shivering a little, sweat gathering around his brow, and not from the heat.

"We want to get there as soon as possible, don't we?" Choromatsu looked at Ichimatsu incredulously, his eyes showing some concern. "A-Ahh, but...are you okay Ichimatsu?"

That was the second time he was asked that. Seriously, did he just look extra shitty today? Grunting in annoyance, Ichimatsu slid down in his seat a little and looked away with a scowl. "I'm fine. I'm just hot and it's way too crowded in here." Sighing, he glanced back towards the third brother. "I just meant that we may have to wait for another bus because of the crowd. If we do, it's not a big deal, right?"

Choromatsu's frown flipped into a small smile. "That's true. Even if we have to wait for a bus, we'll be close enough to the ocean that it should be cooler. And if the wait is too long, we can go find a place to have lunch. Either way, we can still make the most of the trip."

Ichimatsu nodded slightly, not really listening anymore. Glancing out the train's window, he could see the water shining in the distance, the sun's light making the ocean sparkle prettily. It seemed innocent enough. But Ichimatsu knew better. His stomach flipped uncomfortably, his breathing becoming just a little more erratic. _I can't do this…_

"Ichimatsu-niisan!" Hands suddenly grabbed his face, smooshing his cheeks as Jyushimatsu pulled his head back around to look at him. "Ichimatsu-niisan!" Jyushimatsu repeated, beaming at the fourth brother. Ichimatsu felt himself relax a little, and he gently patted his immediate younger brother's hands with his own.

"Jyushimatsu." Ichimatsu mimicked his brother's antics, smiling just a little. Jyushimatsu laughed, releasing his older brother's face, to hold up the bag that he had thrown over his shoulder. "Hm? Did you bring something interesting?"

"Yes!" Jyushimatsu closed his mouth, his tongue poking out as he rummaged through his large bag. The other passengers looked a little irritated with the way he bumped into them with little regard, but they only turned away in the end. "Ah! Here!" Ichimatsu looked at the small, purple bucket that was suddenly thrusted into his hands, complete with a matching shovel.

"What's this for?" The fourth brother asked. Jyushimatsu's smile returned as he pulled out his own, yellow bucket. Maybe he just wanted to build a sandcastle, Ichimatsu thought.

"I was wondering if Ichimatsu-niisan would help me find seashells!" Jyushimatsu cheeks flushed a little, a hand moving to cover his closed mouth. At least he was still smiling, but Ichimatsu couldn't help but raise a curious eyebrow. "Uhm...I want to collect a lot. I'm gonna try to make something with them, to send to Homura-chan!"

How was Ichimatsu supposed to say no to that? Sure, it meant getting a little closer to the water than he was comfortable with, but one look at Jyushimatsu's hopeful, flustered expression and his mind was made up. For his precious little brother, he would brave one of his biggest fears. So long as he didn't have to get _too_ close. "If you really want me to. I'm sure she'll like whatever you make for her."

Jyushimatsu practically glowed at that. "I'll find the best seashells for her!" He declared. Ichimatsu's smile grew a little as he watched Jyushimatsu bounce and fidget in place. The fifth brother's energy and happiness was infectious, and Ichimatsu found his own mood to be improved.

"Aww, that's sweet, Jyushimatsu-niisan!" Todomatsu smiled a little at his immediate older brother. Ichimatsu shifted a little; he could barely see Todomatsu behind Jyushimatsu, considering the large bag the fifth brother carried. "I think I'll try getting a tan. Maybe I can get a cute girl to put some sunscreen on me~! Hehe~!"

"Ahaha! No way, no way!" Jyushimatsu laughed, looking over his shoulder at the youngest brother, who puffed out his cheeks in a pout. "Silly Totty! There's no way a girl would do that!"

"Jyushimatsu's right." Choromatsu agreed, staring blankly. "Especially when _that_ is gonna be nearby." The third brother pointed in Karamatsu's direction, where said second brother was busy admiring the speedo he had brought with him. It was blue, of course, with a material that shimmered in the light. And they had his face stitched into them. Naturally, people were trying to give him a wide berth, while Osomatsu was practically crying, while trying to suppress his laughter.

Ichimatsu felt his eye twitch, pupils dilating and pointed teeth grinding together in irritation. "I'll kill him…!" He growled in disgust. Choromatsu sighed, patting his shoulder comfortingly, while Jyushimatsu continued to laugh. Todomatsu stared at the article in disgust, before smiling slyly.

"Don't worry, I expected this. That's why I packed an extra pair of swimming trunks. We just need to get rid of... _that_." Todomatsu smiled sweetly at Ichimatsu, clapping his hands together in a begging pose. "You'll help with that, won't you Ichimatsu-niisan?" He asked innocently. Ichimatsu let himself grin sinisterly. He would've, even if Todomatsu didn't ask.

* * *

By the time they made it from the train to the bus stop, Karamatsu was already mourning the loss of his beloved speedo that he had put so much love and work into. It was now lying in some trash can, shredded into pieces after an unfortunate encounter with an alley cat (that Ichimatsu certainly didn't coax into attacking). The pain was numbed a little by the ice cream cone Osomatsu had bought to console him. Even if it was bought with his own money that the eldest was still holding hostage, it was the thought that counted.

Just as Choromatsu and Ichimatsu discussed, the bus stop was packed with people heading towards the beach to escape the summer heat. At least it was notably cooler than back home, but still so hot when the sun was beating down on them with no shade in sight.

Todomatsu hummed, ruffling through his bag and pulling out a small, pink parasol that he gladly used to shade himself. Needless to say, it earned him a few envious stares from his brothers. "Hmm? What's wrong?" He asked innocently.

While the other stared Totty down, Ichimatsu glanced at the crowd of people. There had to be three busloads worth of people here! There was no way he'd survive in the sun this long. Sure, there were stores and such around, but he doubted they'd appreciate them loitering inside. And anyway, they needed to keep their spot in line.

"Brothers! Perhaps now would be a good time to gather some refreshments!" Karamatsu announced, distracting the others from their increasing irritation with the youngest brother. Karamatsu lifted the large, empty cooler he was toting around that they had planned to fill once they got to the beach. "It'll be cheaper if we prepare it now! So let us take this wonderful opportunity that destiny has provided us with!"

"You're just trying to save your money!" Osomatsu pointed out, dangling the wallet in front of Karamatsu's face tauntingly, only to jerk it back when the second brother moved to snatch it. "But fine. We should at least have thirty minutes, right? Totty can hold our places in line."

"Why me?!"

"You have the umbrella!"

"It's a parasol, Stupidmatsu-niisan!"

"Me, Osomatsu-niisan, and Jyushimatsu will go get some drinks and snacks." Choromatsu sighed, tugging on the back of Osomatsu's shirt sharply. Karamatsu-niisan, you can take Ichimatsu with you to get a few bags of ice to fill the cooler with, right?"

"E-Eh? You want me to go with Shittymatsu? No...Jyushimatsu, trade me places!" Ichimatsu sweated nervously, tensing up as Karamatsu smirked and gripped his shoulder, sliding those damned sunglasses over his eyes.

"Gotta go Ichimatsu-niisan! I'll find all the best snacks!" Jyushimatsu laughed, completely ignoring the fourth brother's distress as he dashed into the convenience store, Choromatsu already hot on his heels in an attempt to keep property damage to a minimal.

"Fappymatsu should just leave me in charge. I would've paired us all off way better than that. Right Ichimatsu?" Osomatsu snickered, patting Ichimatsu's other shoulder reassuringly. "You're just getting ice, no big deal. So long as you don't run into any mirrors, you should be just fine." He teased.

"Heh! Forgive me for my vanity brother. Sometimes it's too difficult to ignore my own outer beauty! But I assure you, I'll do my absolute best to finish our assigned task in a timely manner!" Karamatsu pushed his sunglasses adjusted his sunglasses with a confident smirk, much to Ichimatsu's annoyance. In reality, though, the second brother really didn't want Ichimatsu to see his own reluctance to being paired together. It would be amazing if he made it back to the bus stop with no harm done.

"Ow, ow, ow…" Osomatsu groaned, rubbing at his sides dramatically, before turning sharply towards the convenience store. "That hurts, you know Karamatsuuu~! Be more careful! And good luck Ichimatsu!" He called back, with his usual, playful grin, before disappearing behind the sliding doors.

"You're carrying the damn cooler." Ichimatsu snapped, dropping his bag down beside Todomatsu and the rest of their supplies. The sooner they finished this, the better. Karamatsu swallowed nervously, voicing his agreement as he gripped the cooler, before they hurried across the street and down the sidewalk towards the nearest store that actually sold ice.

Karamatsu peered over the lenses of his sunglasses, watching the fourth brother with curious and concerned eyes. There was something on his mind, something he wanted to ask Ichimatsu, but he wasn't sure if it would be appropriate. Clearing his throat, he shifted his gaze away to focus on the sidewalk beneath his feet. "Say, Ichimatsu…"

"What?" Ichimatsu asked shortly, not even bothering to glance back at the blue Matsu. Whatever he wanted to say, he was sure it was a complete waste of his time. Probably something painful. Something that would make him want to punch Karamatsu right in his stupid face. Or maybe even-

"Forgive me for prying, but I just wanted to be sure you were alright, brother. You've seemed a little more distant than usual today." Karamatsu barely stopped himself from bumping into the purple Matsu, though he was thankful he did. Ichimatsu wheeled around, bloodshot eyes boring into his own. He was so very glad he put his sunglasses on.

Ichimatsu wanted to be angry, wanted to just lash out at the shitty, second brother as he always did. But the sound of genuine concern in Karamatsu's tone somehow put him at ease. Reluctantly, he relaxed and tucked his hands into the pockets of his shorts, looking away with a small 'tch'. "I'm fine. Just too many people around and it's so damn hot." He mumbled. Even if it wasn't his primary cause of concern, it was still truthful.

Ichimatsu's reaction surprised Karamatsu. It didn't involve violence or threats like he expected, but was instead a calm reply. And if he was being honest, that worried Karamatsu even more. "Oooh, I see." Karamatsu gave him a true, relieved smile. "We'll be to the beach soon, and we can find a more secluded spot, away from people. If that will help?"

"Hmm. Maybe." Ichimatsu mumbled, before he turned around and started walking again. Karamatsu couldn't help but smile slightly as he followed once more. Any civil interaction between him and Ichimatsu was always a win in his book.

They actually had to walk around the entire block, before they found a store that still had some ice left. It was only when they went to buy the last three bags available that both brothers realized that their funds were left back in the hands of their shitty eldest brother. More than a little annoyed, Ichimatsu pulled out his own wallet to pay, while Karamatsu apologized profusely and promised to pay him back as soon as his wallet was returned to him.

The two wasted no time in emptying the bags into the cooler, before each grabbing a side and hurrying back towards the bus stop. It had taken them much too long just to find some ice, and by the time they returned, Jyushimatsu was waving them over in a hurry as the others boarded the bus.

"W-Wasn't that too fast?" Ichimatsu panted, as Jyushimatsu took the cooler from the older two and climbed into the bus. With the heat and the amount of effort it took to almost run with that cooler, he was pretty sure he was going to die. Karamatsu hovered worriedly, before ushering Ichimatsu into the air conditioned bus.

"They're running two busses to transport people to the beach, since it's so hot and that particular bus stop has been so busy. You should've seen all the people who got off the bus that were coming back from the beach." Todomatsu explained, tapping away on his smartphone, as Ichimatsu slouched into the seat beside him. "Sounds like the beach is packed. It'll be hard to find a spot."

Ichimatsu silently cheered. A packed beach meant there wouldn't be many, if any, spaces available close to the water. Sure, he'd still have to get fairly close to it, to help Jyushimatsu in his quest for seashells, but he'd have a spot where he could sit and settle his nerves. He only hoped he'd be able to keep his composure once they were actually there.

"Luckily, Atsushi-kun's at the beach already. He already has a good spot and he's saving room for us~!" Todomatsu held up his phone, showing the discussion between him and his friend. And much to Ichimatsu's dismay, he could clearly see something about a spot close to the water. Once again, his hopes were dashed, leaving him a quivering mess.

"Ooh, your rich boyfriend?" Osomatsu peered at Todomatsu from over the back of his seat, smirking mischievously. "Nice of him to save us a spot. If we had known he was going, we could've just asked him to pay for everything."

"He's _not_ my boyfriend!" Todomatsu bristled, slapping the eldest brother upside his head before he could pull away. If Todomatsu had his way, Atsushi would still be a secret from his brothers and vise versa. But after an unfortunate event that led Osomatsu to finding him having lunch with Atsushi, his secret was out. To his surprise, though, Atsushi actually _liked_ his brothers. He found them amusing or something like that. Todomatsu was just glad that his friend had the kindness in his heart not to tell their other friends. "And even if he was, there's no way I'd let you talk him into paying."

Osomatsu rubbed at his head and scowled. "So...you're saying he's not your boyfriend, but you wouldn't be opposed to the idea? It's the money, isn't it?"

"Do me a favor and drown while we're here!"

"Aww, Totty's so mean to his Onii-chan!"

Ichimatsu felt a chill run down his spine, and he turned sharply to the youngest brother. "Don't say stupid shit like that!" He snarled, before he could catch himself. Osomatsu and Todomatsu both looked at him in confusion, and why wouldn't they? This type of banter between them wasn't uncommon. Ichimatsu himself was often guilty of telling his brothers to go die in various and creative ways. But never in a million years would he wish for someone to drown.

Realizing his mistake, though, Ichimatsu ducked his head in embarrassment. He was waiting for them to call him a hypocrite and tease him in their typical fashion. _"You say things like that all the time!" "Huh? Are you trying to be better than us all of a sudden?"_ Ichimatsu could already hear his brothers voices in his head, mocking him.

"Oh, sorry Ichimatsu-niisan. I guess that did sound a little too mean." The unexpected reply made Ichimatsu lift his head and stare at the youngest brother in surprise. Todomatsu was already focused on his phone again, but Ichimatsu wasn't entirely convinced that his attention on the device was real. Especially when the pink Matsu glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"Aww, Ichimatsuuu~! Are you trying to defend Onii-chan?" Osomatsu reached over his seat to gently ruffle Ichimatsu's hair. Somehow, it felt more comforting than it did teasing, and Ichimatsu found himself leaning into his brother's hand. He would take any comfort he could get right about now. "Don't worry, I can swim just fine. Nothing to worry about!"

"And anyway, if something did happen, which it won't, we have Jyushimatsu-niisan. He could probably swim the whole ocean in a day." They all glanced over towards the yellow Matsu, who was staring blankly at nothing in particular, while kicking his feet. With the large smile on his face, it almost gave him the appearance of a mad man.

It was true, Jyushimatsu was an amazing swimmer. Part of his training, or something, even though it really had nothing to do with baseball. Still, Jyushimatsu wasn't invincible. Ichimatsu wanted to remind his brothers of exactly how the fifth brother had met his crush about a year prior. It involved water and nearly drowning; Ichimatsu had to commend his younger brother for being so eager to return to the ocean after that. Whether it was bravery or stupidity, though, the fourth brother had yet to decide.

"We have arrived!" Karamatsu announced loudly from his seat behind Ichimatsu, making Ichimatsu jump in surprise. Wait, when had the bus stopped? They were here already? He didn't have time to prepare himself! How was he supposed to go out there when he clearly wasn't ready?! Ichimatsu quivered as he glanced out the window.

There it was, already way too close for comfort; the ocean. Ichimatsu could see the waves rolling onto the shore, pushing people towards the shore, only to pull them right back out. But the people were laughing and ducking under the waves playfully at times...Ichimatsu didn't understand the appeal in it. What would they do if one of those waves suddenly dragged them under or pulled them out too far from shore? If they couldn't get air, or tired out before they could get back to the shore, then they would...

"Ichimatsu-niisan! Are you alright?!" Todomatsu's voice broke him from his induced panic, and only then did he realize how badly he was shaking. Sweat had gathered on his forehead, dripping down his pale face. Or was that the tears that gathered in the corner of his eyes? Shit, his breathing was all out of whack too. No wonder his brothers looked concerned.

Todomatsu was rubbing his back gently while Karamatsu grabbed a spare t-shirt from his bag and wrapped some ice from the cooler inside of it. Gently, the second brother pressed the cooled cloth to his face and neck; admittedly it felt nice against his heated skin. But this episode wasn't a result from the heat. This was just plain anxiety and fear. Maybe it was for the best that his brothers didn't know that though.

"Here, sip at this." Choromatsu demanded, grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler and pressing it into Ichimatsu's hands. Shakily, Ichimatsu obeyed, twisting the cap off and sipping at the liquid slowly. "Honestly, Ichimatsu...with as hot as it is, you really need to stay hydrated. If the heat was getting to you, you should've said so."

"Atsushi-kun has a spot for us, and I think he said he has a small canopy set up for some shade. I'm sure he'll let Ichimatsu-niisan rest there. And that ocean breeze should help a lot too." Todomatsu carefully squeezed by Ichimatsu, grabbing his duffel bag. "Me and Jyushimatsu-niisan will go find him."

"Muscle, hustle!" Jyushimatsu chanted, as he hoisted up the cooler into his arms, and a few of their bags. "I'll come back once we find it!" The fifth brother called back as he marched off the bus with Todomatsu in tow.

"We still have to get off the bus though." Osomatsu rested his head on his folded arm, that he had leaned against the back of his seat. He watched Ichimatsu with some worry, brows furrowed. Sighing, he finally slid out from his seat, before kneeling in front of the fourth brother, with his back to him. "Alright! C'mon Ichimatsu."

"E...Eh? W-What are you…? I can walk." Ichimatsu insisted, trying to calm his quivering body. Nothing seemed to be helping, though, and just _knowing_ that he was heading even closer to the object of his fear made it even worse. "Just...just give me a-a second…"

Osomatsu glanced back over his shoulder. "C'mon Ichimatsu, we have to get off the bus. They've got to get going." Osomatsu insisted. The driver was already watching them, with a mix of concern and impatience, but Choromatsu quickly reassured him that they were hurrying. Karamatsu and Choromatsu both tugged Ichimatsu and shifted him, much like a ragdoll. "Look how much you're shaking. Your legs have to feel pretty weak, right? I'll just carry you off the bus and to our spot on the beach, then you can sit down, relax, and have a snack.

Ichimatsu swallowed hard, reluctantly wrapping his shaking arms around his oldest brother's neck. It was true, he probably wouldn't be able to walk quite right, while he shook the way he did. But dammit, he was terrified! Tears burned in his eyes, as he buried his face into Osomatsu's shoulder. He was scared and embarrassed! Why couldn't he have just admitted that he couldn't handle going near the ocean!? Once again, his inability to be honest was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Osomatsu hooked his arms around Ichimatsu's legs, lifting him up fairly easily. Sure, he may be a lazy, out of shape, piece of shit, but he still had his fair share of strength! The two remaining brothers grabbed the rest of their things and followed as they finally clambered off the bus. Just as expected, it felt much cooler, the ocean breeze gently ruffling their hair.

"Feels good!" Choromatsu inhaled deeply, smiling with a mix of relief and contentment. Compared to sitting in their house and melting, this was absolute heaven! "The water's going to feel even better. Maybe I should eat before I swim though. But then, I'd have to wait longer to swim. Then again, I haven't eaten since breakfast. Hmm, what should I do?"

"Aren't you over thinking again?" Osomatsu shifted his hold on Ichimatsu, staring at the third brother blankly. "You can still go in the water after you eat, but if you're really that worried about cramping up, just play in the shallows."

"Look at this magnificent view!" Karamatsu spread his arms wide, nearly smacking Osomatsu in the face. "The way the light dances across the waves, as if it is beckoning us to follow its path to the point where the sea meets the sky! How I wish I could follow its call! But alas, I am just a simple man."

"What are you even saying?" Choromatsu asked bluntly, giving the second brother a blank stare. Karamatsu sweated a bit, clearing his throat with an awkward smirk on his face.

Osomatsu glanced over his shoulder. Ichimatsu's face stayed firmly buried into his shoulder; the fourth brother didn't even react to Karamatsu's usual nonsense. Was he really okay? The three oldest brothers shared a concerned look, Choromatsu reaching forward to rest his hand on Ichimatsu's back. "You still with us Ichimatsu?" Osomatsu called back, keeping his voice light and teasing.

Choromatsu could feel the tremors that wracked Ichimatsu's body beneath his hand. Clearly, there was something beneath the surface at work here, but Ichimatsu wasn't the kind to come out and just say so. And if they were to confront him about it, the purple Matsu would just get angry and defensive. They could only wait patiently and hope for the best.

"I...I'm fine…" Came their brother's shaky and muffled reply, at last. Ichimatsu still didn't move his head away from his oldest brother's shoulder, refusing to set his sight on the ocean ahead again. It was too much and he was so stupidly terrified.

"We'll be to our spot on the beach soon, brother." Karamatsu reassured him gently. Ichimatsu was surprised to hear the blue Matsu's real voice, rather than his cool guy one. "You can relax then, maybe take a nap in the shade. That sounds nice, right?"

Yeah, it did, Ichimatsu thought to himself. But he had already made the promise to Jyushimatsu. He couldn't take something like that back now! No matter what, he was going to be subjected to facing the ocean at some point during this trip, so he was just going to have to man up and deal with it. Swallowing hard, he reluctantly lifted his head away from Osomatsu's shoulder and stared towards the expanse of sparkling, blue water.

"NIIIIIISAAAAAN!"

Jyushimatsu's voice somehow managed to carry over the noise of all the other beachgoers, and they all turned to see the fifth brother waving them down through a crowd of people. As promised, he had returned to guide them to their spot. "It's a really good spot! Ichimatsu-niisan will like it!" Jyushimatsu reassured, as soon as they made it to him, before they began their trek to their spot.

It was a journey, to say the least. Walking in sand was difficult, especially when you were carrying someone. They had to stop a few times, just to wait for Osomatsu to catch up; it wasn't made any easier when Ichimatsu's hold became tighter and tighter, the closer they got to the water. Osomatsu almost fell more than a few times, only to be saved by the others catching his arm just in time.

As soon as they made it to the canopy, Osomatsu practically dropped Ichimatsu into the nearest beach chair. The fourth brother grunted in surprise, gripping the arms of the chair tightly. They were closer than he'd like, but still at a safe distance. This was fine. Focusing on breathing evenly, Ichimatsu let himself relax, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Ichimatsu-niisan! Do you want more water? Or something to eat?" Jyushimatsu was immediately at his side, bouncing in place. He was ready to get his brother whatever he needed! "Do you feel cooler now? I can get you some more ice!"

"I'm fine Jyushimatsu…" Ichimatsu insisted. How many times had he said that today? "I just need to rest a bit." His breathing was starting to even out, but the tremors seemed to be taking longer to settle. "You can start looking for seashells without me. I'll be over to help soon."

"It's okay Nii-san! It's okay! You can help whenever you're ready!" Jyushimatsu hummed, tugging his t-shirt over his head, leaving him in only his swim trunks. "I wanna swim first, anyway! I'll be back!" The yellow Matsu rushed away, straight for the water.

Ichimatsu felt his heart hammer in his chest as he watched his little brother run towards the object of his despair. Jyushimatsu was a great swimmer, so why should he worry? Still, he couldn't help but imagine those waves growing wilder, too wild for any of his brothers to handle. The ocean would swallow them, dragging them too far down for them to ever reach the surface in time. And then, it would come for him…

"Here, Ichimatsu-niisan." A bottle of water and sandwich was suddenly thrust into his face. Frowning, Ichimatsu glanced towards Todomatsu with a dubious look. Why was he being so nice today?! It was seriously scary! Maybe even scarier than the ocean! "What's that look for? You should keep hydrated and get something in your stomach. You're hungry, aren't you?"

"What'd you do to it?" Ichimatsu asked bluntly, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Todomatsu puffed out his cheeks in a pout, pulling back slightly. "Is it poisoned? Are there needles in the sandwich? Is the meat bad?"

"Non, non Ichimatsu!" Karamatsu had already taken the liberty of changing into the extra, blue swim trunks Todomatsu had brought him. His shirt, too, was gone; he was busy applying sunscreen to his arms and torso as he spoke. "Remember, Totty's beloved is here! Right Totty? Hmm~?"

"Oh my God, no-"

"That's right!" Osomatsu plopped down in the seat beside Ichimatsu, a bag of chips in his hand. He gave the youngest brother a teasing grin as he opened the bag noisily. "His boyfriend's here. Has to be on his best behavior~!" He laughed.

"Oi-"

"So this is the dry monster's weakness." Choromatsu added onto the teasing, as he laid out an old blanket that they had brought with them. "If this is all it takes to soften Totty's non-existent heart, then maybe we should hang out with Atsushi more! Maybe he should live with us…"

"I swear, I'm going to-"

"What's the matter, _darling?"_

Todomatsu practically screeched, his free hand moving to cover his red face. His brothers' teasing was bad enough, but Atsushi's was even worse! Now, he knew that his friend had definitely heard everything! How embarrassing! "I hate all of you! Seriously, go die!" The chorus of laughter only made him blush more, and he dropped the water in Ichimatsu's lap, before taking a bite of the sandwich and stomping away to sit beside Atsushi and sulk.

While Atsushi went to work calming the feisty pink Matsu, Osomatsu turned his attention back to Ichimatsu. The fourth brother seemed far better already, joining in their snickering and lounging comfortably, while sipping at his water. But he could still see his brother's unsteady hands and his eyes that occasionally glanced out towards the ocean with a look full of apprehension. Sighing, but still smiling, Osomatsu dug through a plastic bag from the convenience store.

"Here Ichimatsu." Osomatsu held out the package of dried sardines out to the younger. "I saw these in the store and thought of you! And Totty's right, you should eat something. It'll help get some energy back." Reluctantly, Ichimatsu took the package and tugged it open.

Sure, it might help and he _was_ hungry. But seeing all of his brothers act so kind towards him suddenly...how was he supposed to feel?! Since when did any of them treat one another with a shred of kindness? Okay, Ichimatsu knew that was going a little far. There were plenty of times they all got along plenty well. This just seemed different somehow. Maybe a little overbearing?

"Thanks…" Ichimatsu finally mumbled softly, grabbing a small handful of sardines and sealing the bag for later. Osomatsu just rubbed under his nose with his usual grin and leaned back in his beach chair, sighing contently as he folded his arms behind his head.

"Maaaan, I'm so glad we did this. The ocean breeze makes it way cooler than back home, it feels amazing!" Osomatsu stretched himself out, eyes closed leisurely, before he peeked one open to look at Ichimatsu. "And to think, you almost convinced us to stay home. We really should be grateful to Karamatsu for funding this trip~!"

Ichimatsu looked towards said brother, who was desperately trying to convince Jyushimatsu not to go too far out of sight. It was impossible to hear him over the crowd, but Jyushimatsu seemed to understand anyway. The yellow Matsu quickly paddled back towards the shore, only to shake himself dry, soaking the poor second brother in the process. To his credit though, Karamatsu put on his sideways smirk and patted Jyushimatsu's head affectionately.

"I'm not that grateful." Ichimatsu muttered quietly, tearing his gaze away from his brothers and their antics. "We have a hose somewhere. We could've hooked it up and cooled off in the comfort of our own backyard. And then, we could've made Shittymatsu treat us to oden at Chibita's."

"Lighten up, Ichimacchan!" Osomatsu groaned, nudging Ichimatsu's leg with his foot. "Besides, we do things like that all the time! It's been years since we all went to the beach like this, so you might as well just relax and enjoy it while you can." The eldest laughed a little when Ichimatsu clicked his tongue in response.

"Maybe you'd enjoy it more if we got some watermelon slices?" Choromatsu offered, pointing at a small shack further down the beach. "They sell it freshly cut. And you do like watermelon, don't you, Ichimatsu?"

For the first time this trip, Ichimatsu perked up a bit. It was true, Ichimatsu _loved_ watermelon. It was a rare treat in the Matsuno household, though, something they usually got once a year during the summer months. But each time, Ichimatsu savored the sweetness of it, even fighting the others for the final piece once they had devoured the rest. And hey, spitting the seeds at Karamatsu was an added plus.

"Sounds good." Ichimatsu shrugged, but there was a tone in his voice that betrayed how eager he was. Osomatsu grinned and flashed Choromatsu a thumbs up from over Ichimatsu's shoulder, before tossing the third brother Karamatsu's wallet.

"Great idea, Fappymatsu! Now go fetch that watermelon!"

"I can't carry it all on my own, you shitty eldest! Get off your lazy ass and come help me!"

Ichimatsu watched as Choromatsu wrestled Osomatsu out of his chair and forcefully dragged him along, the eldest whining and struggling the entire time. Honestly, he would've offered to help himself. After all, the mention of watermelon somehow managed to to lift his spirits greatly.

It was shortlived, however. As he watched Osomatsu and Choromatsu leave towards the little shack, a purple bucket was dropped none-to-gently into his lap. Ichimatsu grunted and looked up to meet Jyushimatsu's wide smile and sparkling, hopeful eyes. "Are you ready, Nii-san? We can go look for shells together!" Jyushimatsu waved his own yellow bucket around excitedly, practically glowing with his excitement.

Ready? No, he wasn't ready and he likely never would be. Ichimatsu took a shaky breath and gripped the plastic bucket tightly to keep his hands steady. How was he supposed to deny Jyushimatsu, after he already agreed to help him? The simple answer was that he couldn't. Swallowing hard, he met his little brother's gaze. "...Do we have to go to the water?"

"That's where we'll find the best ones!" Jyushimatsu beamed, before his smile fell slightly. He quickly waved his hands a little. "But you don't have to go in the water if you don't want to, Nii-san! You can stay right on the edge and dig for shells!"

Jyushimatsu's immediate reassurance about staying out of the water should've raised some sort of red flag to Ichimatsu, but he was way too busy staring out at the ocean. Watching people splash in it, laughing cheerfully. Watching the waves roll gently, pushing people back towards the shore. Acting _so damn innocent_ , as if it hadn't haunted his dreams since he was a child.

He wasn't a child anymore, though. There was no way he was going to go into the water, but he could get closer.

Taking a deep breath, Ichimatsu got to his feet somewhat unsteadily, gripping his little, plastic bucket by its handle in one hand and reaching out to grip Jyushimatsu's shoulder with the other. "Jyushimatsu." He said seriously, making Jyushimatsu tilt his head to the side. "I need you to let me lean on you a little. My legs are gonna collapse."

"Waaah! Nii-saaaan!"

In the end, Ichimatsu allowed Jyushimatsu to carry him, much like Osomatsu had earlier. It was even more embarrassing, having to be carried by his younger brother, but he naturally felt more at ease with Jyushimatsu at least. "Don't worry, Nii-san! I'll put you far enough that you won't get wet at all! And if someone does get you wet, tell me and I'll beat them up!"

"You can't beat up people on the beach, Jyushimatsu." Ichimatsu scolded, though he couldn't help grinning a little. It was times like these that he was reminded why he was closest with Jyushimatsu. "What if it's just some kid?"

"I'll be a little nicer when I beat them up then!" Jyushimatsu laughed. The fifth brother came to a sudden halt, forcing Ichimatsu's attention back to the task at hand. Jyushimatsu's feet were right at the edge of the wet sand, where the water reached out, before reeling back to form yet another wave. The cycle repeated, over and over, but the water never went any further than where Jyushimatsu stood. "Is this okay, Ichimatsu-niisan?"

No. No, it really wasn't. Ichimatsu could feel his heart thud in his chest, his pulse almost making his head rattle. The water was _right there_ , and he was supposed to be okay with it!? But he had to save face. He had to try and be brave for once in his damn life. For Jyushimatsu...he could do this for Jyushimatsu!

"...Yeah, this is good. It's fine." He couldn't have sounded convincing, and Jyushimatsu showed some concern when he looked at his older brother over his shoulder. Regardless, Jyushimatsu lowered Ichimatsu down into the sand, being sure to keep him steady when his legs wobbled a little. "I'm fine, I just must still be weak from earlier. Like you said, I'll just sit here and dig."

"Mm! If you say so, Nii-san! If you need me, just yell! I'm gonna go dig around in the wet sand!" Jyushimatsu gave his brother a wide grin, before jogging away, his little yellow bucket in hand.

Ichimatsu watched him go, grimacing at the wet sand that his brother kicked up on his bare legs, before he lowered himself down into the dry sand. Just a few feet away, the water coiled into the shore gently. It seemed so harmless, looking at it here, but Ichimatsu knew better. Oh, did he know better. He was just out of its reach, though, so he could ignore it for now. "You're lucky I like you, Jyushimatsu." Ichimatsu muttered under his breath, gripping his little shovel and digging into the sand.

Needless to say, his luck in finding seashells wasn't the best. There were four or five, all in a variety of colors, but mostly cracked and broken. Still, he liked admiring the way the pearl colored one glistened in a variety of colors in the light. Maybe he could keep that one for himself, as a trophy for his bravery.

The last thing Ichimatsu wanted, though, was to be a disappointment to his little brother. Jyushimatsu was relying on him to find these shells! What kind of older brother would he be if he didn't bring back something worthwhile!? Growling a little in frustration, Ichimatsu scooted himself to find yet another digging spot.

That's when it caught his eye.

A kid stumbled out of the water, before running towards his family, his sloppy footsteps unearthing...a small, pale yellow, seashell. There were no cracks, it looked entirely intact. For something that Jyushimatsu wanted to give to his crush, it was undoubtedly perfect. Swallowing hard, Ichimatsu pushed himself to his feet and looked around desperately. Jyushimatsu was out of sight, and the rest of his brothers were too far away to call for. He could only rely on himself to grab the shell.

Ichimatsu let out an indignant sound as the waves rushed onto the shore in their usual pattern, lifting the shell right out of the sand and dragging it out into the water. "It's in the shallows...j-just the shallows, Ichimatsu…" The fourth brother tried to give himself courage, taking a shaky step forward into the wet sand. And another. "G-Grab the damn thing...and get out…"

The moment he felt the water against his feet, Ichimatsu wanted to scream. He wanted to cry, and yell for his older brothers to come help him, but he couldn't. That would be stupid, he'd make a damn fool of himself! No, he was clearly being ridiculous about this! The water was up to his ankles, it wasn't causing any harm. It wasn't trying to drag him out, it wasn't strong enough.

"You're not a damn kid anymore, Ichimatsu…" He ground out, grinding his teeth as he pushed himself further. The shell was just floating on top of the waves, almost taunting him, just out of reach.

Before he really realized it, Ichimatsu was waist deep in the ocean fighting against the waves as he moved determinedly towards the shell. Keeping track of it was so difficult at this point, the little thing getting tossed all over the place, but his eyes were locked on. It was too late to turn back, he was already this deep...and somehow he felt some relief. This wasn't the raging waters he was so familiar with. It wasn't as strong as he remembered.

Ichimatsu could do this.

Hardening his resolve, Ichimatsu pushed further, smiling shakily as he somehow managed to get within reach of the shell. It felt good, facing his fears like this! He was gonna get the shell, make his little brother happy, and then go eat some watermelon with his brothers! Not a bad day after all.

His fingers curled around the shell.

The sand beneath his feet suddenly disappeared.

Ichimatsu went straight under in his surprise, floundering a little as he tried to find ground again. He waved his arms desperately, barely managing to bring himself back up to the surface, a gasp escaping him as he tried to get air in his lungs. Panic...he felt utterly panicked…! Where did the ground go, which way did he need to go to find his footing?!

"H...Help…!" Ichimatsu tried to call out, kicking his feet and waving his arms. Anything to keep himself above and draw attention to himself. Tears were starting to burn his eyes as he called out, his head bobbing in and out of the water. He was so stupid, he was a complete idiot! He _knew_ he should've stayed out of the water, he _knew_ it was way too dangerous for him! "O-Osomatsu-niisan…! Jyushimatsu…!"

A wave rolled over Ichimatsu, dragging him straight under, tossing him around like a ragdoll. Which way was up?! Where even was he anymore, he had no idea! Ichimatsu flailed as best he could, forcing his eyes open to find where he was. He just need air…! Just one more chance to get help, please!

Black spots started to dance along his vision, his lungs screaming for air. There was no way he could keep this up; between the panic causing his chest to tighten and the burning in his lungs, he had no choice but to inhale deeply. Ichimatsu could actually _feel_ the water fill up his lungs and his entire body grow heavy, as if it filled his entire being with his weight.

He couldn't move his arms anymore.

Ichimatsu couldn't move is legs anymore.

...He couldn't fight anymore.

The fourth brother's entire world went black.

* * *

 _Same pier. Same ocean. That's what Ichimatsu expected when he forced his eyes open, gasping and sputtering. Why was he here, when he was fucking dying out there!? Wake up, wake up, wake up…!_

 _A high pitched creak forced Ichimatsu to really take a good look at his surroundings. Not the same setting after all, he thought to himself, his heart hammering in his chest. The sturdy pier that he was so used to was now in shambles. The boards were littered with holes, entire sections missing. In fact, the entire section that could potentially lead him back to dry land was gone._

 _The ocean was absolutely wild, too, but only in response to the storm that raged overhead. The dark sky above flashed bright, lightning dancing across the thick clouds, followed by rumbles of thunder that seemed to shake Ichimatsu to his core. All at once, the sky opened up, releasing sheets of rain that thoroughly soaked him in seconds. The wind left him shivering and whimpering as he tried desperately to ground himself._

 _A wave slammed against the pier, and Ichimatsu cried out as he was knocked right off his feet by the water rushing across the rotting boards. He just barely managed to save himself, one of his hands catching in one of the holes. The splintered wood stuck into his hand, but he tried not to mind it as he tugged himself up with a shuddery sob. What was happening?! He wanted to go back home now!_

 _The pier rocked dangerously, as another wave crashed against it, just before Ichimatsu could pull himself all the way up. He sputtered and coughed, but he still didn't let go. The water wasn't going to take him! He wouldn't let the ocean have him, no matter what! Ichimatsu lifted his other hand, gripping the hole in the board and pulling himself up slowly._

 _Between the ocean's constant roar, the howling of the wind, and the thunder's booming presence overhead, Ichimatsu couldn't think. Even if he could, was there anything he'd be able to do? He was trapped here, doomed to die! As soon as he was back on the pier, the fourth born curled into a ball and covered his ears, tremors wracking his entire body. He was gonna die...this was how he died…_

 _A gentle touch on his shoulder left him startled, and he quickly twisted his head to look at who could possibly be out here with him. His watery eyes met concerned, curious ones. The sunlight almost seemed to make the newcomer's red hoodie glow-wait, sunlight? And red hoodie?_

" _O-Osomatsu-niisan…?" Ichimatsu asked slowly, eyes watering more. He couldn't keep himself from lunging at his eldest brother, clinging desperately as he sobbed hysterically. He was so scared! But now his brother was here with him…! All his previous experiences in this nightmare world of his should've taught him better than this. His brothers being here usually ended with him in the ocean anyway, the waves swallowing him up without any effort at all._

 _Slowly, he pulled away, staring up at Osomatsu with fearful eyes. "P-Please, don't...not this time, I...I-I can't do this anymore, Nii-san…" Osomatsu only gave him a dubious look, reaching to his face to gently wipe his tears away, before grinning his signature grin and plopping down beside him._

 _Ichimatsu stared at him for a moment, before twisting slightly and sitting beside him, knees pulled to his chest. The sky was clear, the sun shining brightly overhead and the water twinkling beneath it. The pier was solid again, too, much to the purple Matsu's relief. A look at his hands, though, told him that what happened before was very real. As real as it could be in this nightmare world of his, anyway. But most importantly…_

 _The ocean was calm._

" _I don't know why I tried so hard to hide it." Ichimatsu mumbled quietly, folding his arms across his knees and resting his chin on them. "I thought you'd all think I was stupid or you'd make fun of me. That shouldn't have mattered though. But now, I…"_

 _Osomatsu reached a hand over and rubbed Ichimatsu's back gently. The simple touch made Ichimatsu sob, and he buried his face into his arms. "I-I'm so scared of the ocean…!" Ichimatsu admitted through his sobs, grinding his teeth together. "I'm terrified! And now, I'm gonna die, just because I wouldn't admit it! I feel so stupid, and I...I…!"_

 _Osomatsu didn't say anything, only continued to rub his back. He probably couldn't say anything, Ichimatsu figured, considering his brothers never spoke in these nightmares. But then again, he usually would've been tossed from the pier by now. It wasn't gonna be like that, this time, it seemed and for that, he was grateful. Sighing shakily, Ichimatsu reluctantly shifted to lean against his older brother, his head resting against the red Matsu's shoulder._

" _Osomatsu-niisan...I drowned, didn't I? I'm really gone…?" He asked, though he already knew the answer. Osomatsu wrapped an arm around him slowly, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze. That was it then, he was dead. This was his purgatory of sorts, or maybe just a leftover thought, before everything faded away for good. "I-I didn't want this...I didn't want to die…"_

 _Osomatsu looked down at his little brother sadly, before resting his head against the other's. Just as quickly, though, the eldest lifted his head and listened as noise tickled his ears. It was faint, but he could clearly hear other voices calling out._

" _Ichimatsu-niisan!"_

" _C'mon Ichimatsu!"_

" _G-Get up…! Please Ichimatsu-niisan!"_

 _The voices sounded so concerned and scared. Osomatsu nudged Ichimatsu gently, until the younger lifted his head and stared up at him. It was such a heartbreaking thing, seeing the face of one who had clearly given up. But it wasn't over yet. Osomatsu got to his feet and tugged Ichimatsu's arm._

" _Eh…? W-What are you doing?" Ichimatsu asked shakily. Couldn't they just stay there and enjoy the peace while he was still able? Wasn't it inevitable for that storm to come back and swallow him up for good? Osomatsu shook his head and turned around, before pointing towards the end of the pier._

 _Ichimatsu followed where he pointed and his eyes widened a fraction. At the end of the pier were the others, waving and beckoning them over urgently. Ichimatsu could feel happiness swell in his chest, just so glad that he could see them again. Even if this was just a dream, this meant everything to him._

" _Ichimatsu-niisan! C'mon Ichimatsu-niisan!"_

 _Jyushimatsu's voice reached him, and it surprised him. This was nothing like how this nightmare usually played out. It was all so different! Osomatsu grinned at him and gripped his hand, tugging him gently towards the others. They were gonna leave the pier? They were definitely leaving the pier._

" _You can do it Ichimatsu!" Karamatsu's voice reached him next, encouraging as always. This time, though, Ichimatsu didn't feel the need to smack his painful, older brother. Actually, he would gladly hug him, once he was off this damn pier. One shaky step at a time, him and Osomatsu made their way across._

" _Y-You'll be okay Ichimatsu-niisan!" Todomatsu's voice shook and sounded so worried. Ichimatsu hesitated for a moment, furrowing his brows. Why? Why would he be so concerned? The fourth brother glanced over his shoulder, eyes widening in horror. That storm...that storm was back?! It was spreading, closing in on him and Osomatsu quickly. The water was wild once more, tearing the pier to pieces._

" _Ichimatsu! C'mon Ichimatsu, please!" Choromatsu's voice drew his attention back to the task at hand. Osomatsu tugged his arm urgently and they began to run down the pier; didn't it seem way further than before?! Irregardless, he couldn't just stop for air, now could he?!_

 _It was useless, though. The storm moved too fast, and before they knew it, they were caught in the wind and rain. Lightning flashing, thunder crashing, and the ocean waves rocking the entire pier under their feet. A particularly large wave had Ichimatsu falling face first onto the wood beneath him, his hand slipping from his older brother's. Osomatsu ran ahead only a few steps more, before skidding to a halt and turning around to help his brother._

 _Before he could, though, another wave slammed against the pier. Osomatsu's eyes widened with despair as the wood crumbled away, getting swallowed up by the ocean. He couldn't reach Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu shakily got to his knees, looking around himself. There was nowhere left for him to go. He was trapped._

 _The wind howled in his ears, deafening him. Ichimatsu could no longer hear his brothers' cries or encouraging words. Hell, he could barely see them through the sheets of rain pouring down. A terrified sob shook his body, and Ichimatsu covered his head with his hands. As if that would do anything to protect him! It was only a matter of time before everything was gone for good...he just wanted to be with his brothers! He wanted his brothers…_

" _Ichimatsu!"_

 _Ichimatsu lifted his head a little, forcing an eye open to look across the ruined pier. Osomatsu was motioning him over, holding his arms open for him. Did...did he want him to jump?! Sure, it wasn't that big of a gap, but still! What if he didn't make it? The ocean would swallow him up, drag him down so deep that he could never resurface…_

" _I-I can't...I c-can't…!" He whimpered, shivering slightly as the ocean seemed to swell. It was gonna take him! It was gonna get him!_

" _You can do it, Ichimatsu!" Osomatsu urged him on, motioning him over once again. Osomatsu's encouragement...Ichimatsu felt so sick. But slowly, he crawled across the rocking pier, and over to the edge. His legs shook as he forced himself to his feet, wiping wildly at his eyes. He was so scared…!_

" _C'mon Ichimatsu! Onii-chan's here...w-we're all waiting for you, so...please come back." Osomatsu gave him a shaky smile, holding his arms open for his younger brother._

 _That was all Ichimatsu needed to hear. Taking a few steps back, the fourth brother took a running start, refusing to hesitate, even as the water just narrowly missed sweeping him away along with the section of the pier he had just occupied._

 _With as much hope and faith as Ichimatsu could muster, he jumped._

Ichimatsu lurched forward, coughing and gasping as water was forced from his lungs. It burned his abused organs, that desperately tried to trade the water for precious air. Oh God, he had...he almost…!

"Ichimatsu-niisan!" Jyushimatsu wailed, clinging to Ichimatsu tightly, sobbing against his older brother's shoulder. "I-Ichimatsu-niisan…! N-Nii-san…!"

"W-Wait, shouldn't we give him space? He needs to breathe! Ah, d-do you...a-are you really okay…?" Despite his words, Choromatsu hovered over the fourth brother with obvious concern. His face was red from crying, tears still gathered at the corners of his eyes.

"I-I'm…" Ichimatsu croaked out, tears gathering in his own eyes. "I t-thought I-I…."

"Why'd you go in the water?! A-Are you stupid?! You're s-seriously so stupid…!" Todomatsu snapped at the fourth brother, rubbing at his eyes desperately. It didn't stop his tears though, no matter how much he wished it did. Ichimatsu could see the usually prideful youngest brother quiver as he fought to keep from breaking down completely. Atsushi stood beside him, rubbing the pink Matsu's back comfortingly.

"True you...you never should've left the shallows, Ichimatsu…" Karamatsu's cool guy voice was replaced by his real one, the higher tone cracking a bit as he tried to hold himself together. "If Osomatsu hadn't seen you...J-Jyushimatsu barely made it to you in time! A-And had Atsushi not known CPR...I-Ichimatsu, you...you…!"

Ichimatsu coughed, his arms finally lifting to wrap around Jyushimatsu. He sniffed a few times, before sobbing hysterically into his little brother's shoulder. "I-I-I'm s-sorry…!" He wailed, before his voice turned incoherent. True, he was stupid. All this over a stupid seashell, what was he thinking!?

A hand gently threaded through Ichimatsu's hair, petting and scratching comfortingly. "Hey...you made it, Ichimatsu. Everything's gonna be okay, you hear me? Shhh…" Osomatsu's voice was soothing and reassuring, but Ichimatsu could feel the hand in his hair shake a little. Slowly pulling away from Jyushimatsu, Ichimatsu glanced up at his oldest brother.

Osomatsu's eyes were watery, but seeing Ichimatsu look up at him, he did his best to grin reassuringly. Osomatsu knelt down beside the fourth brother and opened his arms; just like in his dream, Ichimatsu vaguely recalled. That dream...his brothers had been there, calling out to him. Reaching out for him. Somehow, he was positive they had saved him. Whimpering, Ichimatsu crawled into Osomatsu's waiting arms, mumbling incoherent apologies and thanks.

There was no teasing or belittling, as Ichimatsu huddled against Osomatsu, shivering and sobbing. His brothers didn't roll their eyes and tell him he was overreacting. Instead, they practically dogpiled on him and Osomatsu, ruffling his hair, hugging him tightly, and mumbling quiet reassurances. Atsushi was even kind enough to drape a towel around him, before heading back to their spot to give them some space.

Osomatsu grunted as he was more or less crushed by his brothers, but he didn't actually seem to mind it too much. He reached out and did his best to dry the constant flow of tears from Ichimatsu's puffy eyes. "This is the second time you've scared us like this, you know? Maybe it's time you make like a cat and stay clear of the water, hmm? Or at least wear a life vest or something?" Sighing with a wavering smile, Osomatsu wound his arms around his younger brother and squeezed him tightly. "Do you have any idea how scared we were, Ichimatsu? This was way too close...please, try to be more careful."

Ichimatsu felt guilt crush him. All this time, he had let these negative thoughts worm into his head; his brothers didn't care, they didn't even remember what happened all those years ago, and if they did, they certainly didn't care enough to offer him any comfort after all these years. But for the first time, maybe ever, he could plainly see that wasn't the case. They were scared. They had been worried. He recalled all the moments today, where his brothers asked if he was okay. At first, Ichimatsu thought he had just been too obvious with his fears. But maybe they were trying to ask him if he was really okay going near the water, without bringing up those terrifying memories. Despite the guilt, Ichimatsu felt his heart swell. _They cared about him_.

"I-If Ichimatsu-niisan didn't wake up, I would've...I'd m-miss Ichimatsu-niisan!" Jyushimatsu hiccuped, nuzzling into Ichimatsu's shoulder. It was difficult to move, squashed beneath his brothers, but Ichimatsu managed to free his arm and rub Jyushimatsu's arm comfortingly. It especially hurt to see their sunshine brother cry like this.

"Let's not think about that." Choromatsu interrupted, taking a deep, calming breath and offering Ichimatsu the best smile he could manage right now. "That's too heavy of a topic, isn't it? And you woke up, so there's no need to worry about any 'what if' scenarios." Sure, the third brother said that, but it was clear that those exact thoughts were on everyone's mind.

Karamatsu cleared his throat, reaching up to tug his sunglasses down over his watery eyes, smirking in his usual fashion. "Ichimatsu!" The second brother declared, standing up and opening his arms wide. "You stood before the heavens, offered a place behind those pearly gates! And yet you defied your fate to return to us! You're truly a miracle, and I am happy to tell the world of my amazing brother who has defied death, not just once, but twice!"

"Keep it up, and it'll be three times!" Todomatsu got to his feet, looking at Karamatsu incredulously. "Seriously, that hurts! People are staring now! You're way too painful, Karamatsu-niisan!" The youngest hissed, though it sounded more playful than usual.

Osomatsu chuckled at their antics, his gaze focusing on Ichimatsu though. He climbed to his feet, gripping his little brother's hand and pulling him up with him. "That's enough excitement for today, don't you think? How about we go back and eat that watermelon?"

Ichimatsu nodded slightly, coughing softly as he rubbed his chest lightly. He was sore, his entire body trying to get back into working order. "Sounds great." He agreed quietly, before his eyes fell onto his hands. His empty hands. The fourth brother's eyes turned sad, as he looked towards Jyushimatsu, who was patting Karamatsu's back in an attempt to console him from Todomatsu's teasing.

"Jyushimatsu." Ichimatsu called. The fifth brother immediately hopped over, tilting his head curiously. "I...I didn't get you any shells. I found a good one. It was perfect, but I lost it in the water. I'm sorry, I'm the worst..."

"Ichimatsu-niisan's so silly!" Jyushimatsu scolded lightly, wrapping his arms around Ichimatsu and spinning him with a laugh. "You're way more important than some stupid shell! I'd rather have Ichimatsu-niisan around, than have something perfect to give to Homura-chan!"

The fourth brother groaned at the spin, patting Jyushimatsu's arms lightly. "Easy, Jyushimatsu." He sighed, but he couldn't help but smile a little. "But thanks. I'll at least help you make something for her with what you got, if you want me to."

"Yeah, yeah! We'll make something even better, without that stupid shell!" Jyushimatsu beamed at his older brother, lowering him back to the ground. "But for now, you should relax lots! We'll have watermelon and you can take a nap under the umbrella! That'll be nice, right Nii-san?" The excited fifth brother didn't even wait for an answer, already running back towards their spot, catching up to the others that were already there and waiting.

Osomatsu draped an arm around Ichimatsu, guiding the younger along with him. "You know, you make a pretty good older brother, Ichimatsu." The eldest praised, watching the younger out of the corner of his eye. Ichimatsu's face immediately reddened a little, his gaze staying firmly on the ground. "All of this, trying to impress your little brother...so cute, Ichimacchan~!"

"Shut up, idiot!" Ichimatsu snapped, burying his face into his hands. Osomatsu laughed, ruffling his hair a little. "I-I just didn't want to disappoint him."

"Hey, I'm a big brother too, I get it. And judging by Jyushimatsu's reaction, I don't think he's disappointed at all. He's just glad you're alright. We all are." Osomatsu's smile softened a little. "You know...if you were scared about coming here, you could've said so. Onii-chan would've understood."

"I thought...you'd all torment me." Ichimatsu admitted, lowering his hands and dropping them to his sides. "If I said I was afraid of the ocean, it sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?"

"But you have every reason to, we know that. Man, life would be so much easier if you were just more honest, Ichimatsu." Osomatsu sighed exasperatedly, but his smile stayed. This was the Ichimatsu he knew and he would never try and force him to change. Even if it would make all of their lives a little easier. "Let's go get that watermelon, Ichimatsu. Choromatsu even grabbed an extra slice, just for you~! Isn't he so kind?"

Ichimatsu rubbed his arm, letting a rare grin show. He felt ridiculous, ever believing that his brothers didn't care. And he felt foolish for not just admitting his fears, and instead, trying to face them on his own. He was still shaken, after this whole experience, and it would likely haunt him for the rest of his life. It was honestly a relief to know his brothers would still be there to take care of and comfort him.

"Remind me to thank Fappymatsu later, then."

Of course, that didn't mean he had to treat them any differently.


End file.
